Pearl Ring

I wonder what it is that possesses me to write in this blog when I am so lost in thought on things. That’s really what a journal is for, or just your brain, or talking to myself out loud. I dunno, it’s just a sort of magnet for when I think deep some days, yet it doesn’t come off deep on this blog. It comes up lost and sort of weird, lost in translation I suppose.

Today I made the realization that materially, I have just about everything I’ve ever wanted. It’s funny how a good paying job, no social life, and semi-decent savings plans can do for you. I think the drive for it has been to make a valid excuse for buying so much crap here. I have this new computer that I assembled part by part that I’m typing on right now, not to mention the new camera I bought yesterday that was embarrassingly more than I should ever pay for a camera. In hindsight the idea is that I’ll be using these things to further my career somehow. I’ve always had the plans to make a side business of making videos and projects for a living in addition to my job to help support my habits as well as build up my portfolio, but it was only the last day or so that I realized that the time is actually now. I have professional equipment and for the most part the education and experience to back it up. It’s weird how things can change from one moment to another. Sure, I’d rather have a job doing this for a living, but that doesn’t mean that I can’t enjoy spending time doing what I really love to do outside of my normal job right? Right.

And I do love my job. I’ve been in this position for a little over a month now and the more the hang of it, the more I love it. I don’t mind going to work every day. It’s hard work and it gives me a headache and a little bit of stress from time to time, but it’s all worth it. A job I can do well, enjoy, and get paid decently for it? No way. Thanks life, you’re doing me a solid. It reminds me of a conversation I had with a friend of mine the other day who reminded me of a crude drawing I put on their fridge apparently early last year that said: “2010 can go fuck itself”. I don’t honestly remember writing that, but I don’t doubt it. I do remember thinking to myself on New Year’s Eve 2010 hey 2011, go easy on me this year ok? And it kinda was sure; it kept its end of the bargain that’s true. NYE 2011 I made the same request to 2012 asking selfishly for something better and here we are just about 2 months in and life is so much better than it was even a few months ago. It’s not perfect, but it’s pretty ok and I can handle that.

The thing that is weird is that I haven’t been at this point in my life for a long time where everything seems to balance at least for the moment. I sit and wonder when the next topple will come, but I’ve learned that you can’t sit around and wait for that inevitable moment to hit you like a ton of bricks, you just have to roll with it and make the best of the time you have. Something does feel like its missing, but I think that’s a feeling of living life that I’ve forgotten about as well. When you are finally in a plateau moment and not just clawing your way up some mountain of regret or pain or trying to forget something. That time that you’ve sat for a few minutes and caught your breath and wonder what’s next or what could be on the horizon. I try not to look down anymore, but it’s human nature but I guess that’s part of what drives you to climb the proverbial mountain higher right? Like a pearl ring, it may be rough on the outside, but its smooth in the middle and pretty to look at, even if its behind glass in some sort of museum gathering dust. You can't reach in and put it back on anymore, but there it sits until one day it goes into another part of the museum or to another attraction somewhere else. I dunno, there was somewhere this was going but its late and I can't see straight anymore.

All I know is that this is a time to plan, figure out, and most importantly execute what I want and need to keep on trekking and I intend to do just that.

Just Somebody I Used To Know

This May marks ten years since I graduated from High School. Honestly where did the time go? Every so often as of late I’ve been thinking about if I’ll be attending the reunion or if I want to skip it. One of the bigger factors that makes me think either yay or nay comes down to evaluating what all I’ve been up to for the past ten years, as I’ve been known to do from time to time. It’s weird to think on different levels of personal goals or where I may have thought I should be at this point. If I’m not thinking of that in particular I think about where other people are that I knew during that time. Thanks to Facebook, which is still funny to me that I can’t remember how I kept in contact other than calling friends on the phone back then, I’ve been able to keep in contact with a lot of my friends at very least on occasion. What I’ve come to notice tho is that somehow, someway some folks are not on Facebook so it is a total mystery to see how they are or where they are. This makes me think of something else about life, how people can come and go from it and how easy that seems to be.

Think about it. Today there might be important key people in your life and tomorrow they might be gone. Perhaps you had a best friend when you were ten and then they moved away and you couldn’t find a way to keep in touch. They exit your life and continue on, but to you they’re gone. Sometimes its people moving away, sometimes its death unfortunately, sometimes it’s even disagreement that causes people to distance themselves from one another. It’s an interesting thought on how fragile relationships are in life, be they romantic ones, friendships, or even family relationships sometimes don’t last which is saddest of all if you ask me. One of my favorite things to do on occasion when I get to thinking about things like this is talk to other people about where they were at different times in their lives and see where I was. It never fails to be interesting when I see that somebody who might be important to my life at the moment was only minutes away or sometimes in the same place at the same time years before or occasionally I had even met or at least made eye contact with but never really made that connection. It’s like fate I suppose. I don’t really believe in fate, but I do believe that a lot of things happen for a reason and those paths and lives often make various intersections in life.

I guess the conclusion that I’ve made as of late is that you should always treasure those in your life at the moment, whether they be your best friend or some person you just sort of like and/or tolerate, because you never know if they’ll still be in your life tomorrow or they’ll be the most important part of your life the day after that. Easier said than done, but life is funny that way. It’s fascinating.