On a rare snow day that happened to coincide with a day off I'm forced to slow down for a minute and take inventory of myself. Its definitely something I need to make myself do on occasion anyway and its one of my goals for the year but none the less here I sit inside where its warm listening to music and watching Benji chew on a treat in his little bed next to my desk.
At the beginning of every year I always have a feeling of starting anew, a time to reflect and decide what direction I want to head towards for the year with goals and the like. In the last few years however I've noticed that its the beginning of the year that I tend to reflect on the past a lot more this time of the year due to how many moments of my life happened in this time of year.
Reading old blogs this morning was making me think about how things have changed since I graduated back in 2010. One of the biggest things that weighed heavily on me was the future. It was so uncertain and I was so concerned about not getting to where I had hoped and imagined to be. Here I am now 12 years after the fact and have to remind myself on occasion that despite the present day stresses and obstacles that I have managed to make it this far and succeeded in overcoming the things I was afraid I wasn't going to be able to. It hasn't been easy and often times it hasn't been fun. Mostly from going through periods of crappy stressful jobs to having no job to barely having two pennies to my name, but I've managed to make it somehow. This is not a brag by any means, but sometimes I have to remember that I've accomplished something of myself to at least somewhat pick myself up from the depressing state of mind I'm constantly in.
All my life the biggest most realistic goal I've had is just to have my basic needs met. I'm a simple person. I just want to not stress out over knowing if I have somewhere warm to sleep and have food to eat. To not be afraid of being out on the street and I've managed that and a bit more. There's always money stress so I haven't gotten completely to the point of not having to worry about it, the last 2 years not withstanding, but I know that if I try hard enough I'm generally in a position to make it work somehow even if it isn't the most fun or pleasant or might lose some sleep over it.
I have debt but its manageable. I have a job that I can support myself with. I own a house. I have somewhere to go and call my own. Its been a long hard road for the last decade but sometimes I need to just stop for a second and remember that it hasn't all been for nothing. There are results and while its not the same image I had back in 2010 its still a life worth living even if sometimes I struggle to remember it.
