Books on Tape

I noticed a trend recently that makes me feel a bit at odds with how I look at a few people as of late. Not too long ago I reconnected with an old friend from high school whom I haven’t seen practically since then. It was refreshing to see how much he had changed since then and how much growing up he had done. Sure with age comes maturity for the most part and I was pleasantly surprised to see how much he had accomplished in the last ten years and how much he had his life together. The sad thing however is how increasingly as the night progressed at how much he not only wasn’t the same person from back then anymore, but not even the same personality either. Gone away was the goofy kid with a sense of humor, you know the guy who I was friends with a long while back. Not saying we’re not still friends now, but it felt pretty awkward at times during the dinner when I would bring up an old memory while laughing a bit only to be met back with yeah we were dumb then and a change in the conversation.

Now yes there is a difference between moving on in life and yes sometimes some people change enough to not be the same person they were yesterday, a month ago, whatever. But what gets me is when does a person change so much that all the life seems to have left out of them? To put it bluntly: boring. Now again, it’s a matter of opinion to say that being mature is a bad thing, that’s not what I’m commenting on, but to see someone’s personality change so much that they almost seem to look down on their past selves, lives, and friendships as if they were lepers or something. I dunno, it’s just a little disheartening when someone has good memories of something and others look at them as mistakes or wastes of time. Now yeah, the same example can be brought up from say a group of friends involved in drugs of some kind then somebody sobers up an looks down on that. Well yeah, that was harmful and probably a more sensible step up, but when it’s nothing like that does it make much sense to look down upon it quite as much? No matter what memory or story I brought up, they were all met with distain and a sort of blank look as if to say “yeah that happened, but it was a long time ago”. What happened to reminiscing?

The same thing happened not too long ago when I met up in a similar situation with a friend of mine who was in Mexico at the same time. Now this was a much shorter time ago but with a very similar effect. The only difference being that this friend was now married and had a newborn child. True that when someone has a child it changes them, that much I understand. This isn’t the case however; it’s as if the life had been sucked right out of him. Somebody who only a year or so earlier we were constantly joking around and laughing about… well anything. But now, not so much. When does this supposed change happen in life that you can’t really smile or laugh about something anymore? When memories become just those things that happened? The more I think about it the more I see it with various people I’ve met in my life and even people I see on a regular basis right now. That’s not getting older, that’s just weird. It’s like the meter runs out after so long and they don’t have any more change.

Be it, I’m far from being super mature in most areas and I know that, but I also know when to be serious when necessity calls for it. But I never look back and frown on the goofy things I’ve done in my life, or choose to do or what have you. Now I’m sure this all sounds pretty biased or objective, but in my head at the moment it makes a lot of sense, I dunno.

I just choose to believe that it’s never beneath me to smile and be in a good mood if I want to be. In fact, I’ve come to learn that it’s really the only way to live. It’s all in your attitude and in your smile.

Feel Good. Make Ya Sweat

I've found myself to just be exhausted as of late and I'm not really sure why. Ever since moving to my new position at work I come home pretty tired and out of it. It's a lot more demanding than I imagined, but I still love my job and don't dread coming to work every day which makes it well worth the while. Still, in part of that as well as whatever else I do/don't do with my time I find myself in a constant state of exhaustion that I'm not really sure how to bounce out of, so I'm going to put a few feelers out and see if I can change up a few things to see what helps.

First is to get a more steady sleep schedule of going to be earlier as well as getting up earlier. Make a set time to do so and get up even if I'm still tired. If I can get up early enough maybe I can have time to eat breakfast every day before work. Speaking of eating, I should probably do that more often. I've been doing better as of late, but not good enough if you ask me. So eating is definitely something to work on. And not just eating more, but perhaps a more balanced healthy diet of some sorts. I'm not really eating a lot of junk these days, but it could be better. Lastly would be to try and get some exercise in there somewhere. My days consist of sitting in front of a computer all day long and it just feels like I might be tired and worn out from sitting still all the time, like my body is craving some attention and movement. This is the first job I've had that doesn't involve any sort of physical demand of any kind so thats probably another huge chunk missing from my well being.

All these things aside tho and despite being tired a lot, its a good kind of tired as I feel good for the most part and that's ok.