As I look back at the year, I’m always reminded of how big of impact music has on my life. This year at first glance I think there weren’t nearly as many new artists I discovered or new albums I listened to, but after making a list well I was right for the most part. 2010 was full of catching up on a lot of great stuff from 2009 for some reason. A lot of bands and albums that for some reason I put on the back burner and really didn’t listen to until some point this year. I’m still going to include them in my list tho because I can.
Albums of 2010
Neon Trees - Habits
I saw these guys open up for a local band in Rexburg in early 2009 and though they were pretty nifty, but it wasn’t until I saw them open up for 30 Seconds to Mars that I got hooked on them. While short, their debut album is rich in energetic happy-ish music that just makes you want to dance. And that’s really all I can ask for from anybody.
Scott Pilgrim Soundtrack
The movie was epic and the soundtrack was just as fantastic. For a show about music I’m sure it was pretty difficult to select a soundtrack that would reflect the odd world that the characters lived in. What we got was an indie world of unknown stuff, but that’s ok because it was all good unknown stuff at least to me anyway. The 8-bit soundtrack to the game was just as good however and that little something something to make you smile and remember the good ole days.
Preston Pugmire EP
Preston is not a signed artist nor known by anybody outside the immediate Idaho/Utah area, but he should be. He’s a one man band that I’ve seen perform numerous times over the years either as a solo act or in other bands. Apparently he’s made the jump to full time musician and taking his solo act on the road. This was a small free 5 track EP that was released on his website and its just that sort of sweet melodies and looping that he’s well known for that makes you think a little.
The Left Rights - Bad Choices Made Easy
The side project of Jimmie Urine and Steve Righ? Of MSI, The Left Rights are just a huge collection of stupid 1-2min songs that really have no relevance to anything whatsoever. But they are hilarious and that’s all I need to know.
3oh3! - Streets of Gold
While I’m still having a hard time listening to all of it, much like their previous release, Streets of Gold is everything you’d expect from 3oh3. It’s a bunch of energetic rap/pop songs that just make you want to move and dance, only this time with a lot less “gangsta”
persona going on.
I Fight Dragons EP
I saw these guys open up for Cobra Starship this past summer and while I don’t listen to it quite as much anymore, it did introduce me to the world of chiptuning, or in otherwords using an old NES or gameboy motherboard to create 8-bit sounds to go along with your music. Very cool and very fun.
The Throbbing Testicles EP
Absolutely tooting my own horn here, but we also released a new album this year and yes I listened to it quite a bit for awhile. While it was not really anything new, but just a compilation of some of our best songs, it was recorded in a studio for the first time as well as putting keys/synth on a lot of songs for the first time as well. It solidified the idea that in a good setting we could make this work and that’s all I need. Plus its funny.
Birds of New York EP
Ryan White of the band Resident Hero recently created this little side project that is a more power pop feel than heavy rock, but his sweet voice excels just as much here as it does in the former rock trio. I’m not even sure if this EP is available anywhere, but I managed to harass him into emailing it to me. Its that sort of good feeling space out music that takes you on a little trip, not the drug kind but the life experience kind, before dropping you off back where you were at the last few notes.
The rest of the albums that I listened to a bunch this year didn’t come out in 2010, but rather in 2009. I only just now got around to listening to them.
LMFAO - Party Rock
Flyleaf - Memento Mori
AFI - Crash Love
30 Seconds To Mars - This is War
(I did listen to this in 09, but I didn’t like it very much. It wasn’t until I saw them perform again in January that it became a staple cd in my car)
Electric Valentine - Automatic
Stephen Lynch - 3 Balloons
Prodigy - Invaders Must Die
There’s more to be said, but I’ll save it for the next one.
Friday, December 31, 2010
Monday, December 27, 2010
Polar Bears In The Jungle
Back in 2007 I formed The Throbbing Testicles with my friend Mike. It was originally just a joke, poking fun at some of our favorite bands and the current status of the music world and how we couldn't believe that some people were getting paid to put out what they call "music". Our way of thinking was if they can do it why can't we? Well it was a two man show for a bit before it evolved over time and adding more people with real talent became a real band that has grown and thrived over the last near four years now.
Over time I've managed to divide my writing into two different places. One specifically for T3 and the other for my own whatever. During this time I've been teaching myself to play guitar and a few other instruments and when I get the chance I let those other songs breathe a little. Only recently did I decide to really do something with it. While writing for T3 is coming along nicely, sometimes I write things that don't really fit well with the theme of it all or perhaps are just a placeholder to get through certain things in my own life through music, who knows. But the point is that I'm planning on recording the songs on my own with help on occasion when I need it. Its not for anything important, just something fun that I'm really enjoying doing. You can find the songs as I upload them on the myspace here. There are some super old cruddy recordings on there that I'm trying to replace, but there are two new ones as well.
Lucky for me I've got some brand new toys to play with to help me along in the process:
Over time I've managed to divide my writing into two different places. One specifically for T3 and the other for my own whatever. During this time I've been teaching myself to play guitar and a few other instruments and when I get the chance I let those other songs breathe a little. Only recently did I decide to really do something with it. While writing for T3 is coming along nicely, sometimes I write things that don't really fit well with the theme of it all or perhaps are just a placeholder to get through certain things in my own life through music, who knows. But the point is that I'm planning on recording the songs on my own with help on occasion when I need it. Its not for anything important, just something fun that I'm really enjoying doing. You can find the songs as I upload them on the myspace here. There are some super old cruddy recordings on there that I'm trying to replace, but there are two new ones as well.
Lucky for me I've got some brand new toys to play with to help me along in the process:
Friday, December 24, 2010
the last christmas
This is the first year in a long long time that it really hasn't felt like Christmas. I did my shopping quite early this year and got it all taken care of weeks ago. I've kept myself busy as much as possible as my only goal over the last month has been to not stop even for a second if possible. Its not, and when I do then I start to remember things, but that's beside the point.
There are things I'd like to distract my brain from like how I'm only three hours away from someone currently and how if all was back to normal I'd see them in two days, lest we mention that I was geared up to this being the last christmas on my own, but oh well.
The point is, I'm technically 16 minutes away from Christmas as I type this and it doesn't feel that way. Its the same scenario as always: family in town, decorations, games together, etc. But all in all, it feels empty as it has been and as it will for awhile.
When I wake up tomorrow morning sure I'll put on a smile and I'm sure I will enjoy the gifts that I receive, but honestly there is only one thing I want for Christmas and its something that I'm never going to get.
There are things I'd like to distract my brain from like how I'm only three hours away from someone currently and how if all was back to normal I'd see them in two days, lest we mention that I was geared up to this being the last christmas on my own, but oh well.
The point is, I'm technically 16 minutes away from Christmas as I type this and it doesn't feel that way. Its the same scenario as always: family in town, decorations, games together, etc. But all in all, it feels empty as it has been and as it will for awhile.
When I wake up tomorrow morning sure I'll put on a smile and I'm sure I will enjoy the gifts that I receive, but honestly there is only one thing I want for Christmas and its something that I'm never going to get.
Tuesday, December 14, 2010
2010 In Review
At first glance 2010 was really shaping up to be the best year of my life. Well maybe not best, but certainly the most life changing and in many ways that’s very true. I’ll try to not dwell on the present with a lot of these events, but lets take a look back anyway. January started out wonderfully. For about a month in the previous year Virginia and I had “broken up” for a bit. We still talked and were close, but weren’t technically dating due to lots of little insecurities on my part, but when I figured myself out it got hairy and we talked it out and after a few days in early December we had gotten back together. She had come to visit the week after Christmas and we spent New Year’s together. On January 2nd we were in the car and en route back up to Rexburg for the final two semesters of school, for me at least. Things clicked back like they usually do at school. Having to freeze to death for awhile as I got adjusted to the horrible snow and freezing cold. The only difference this time around was that I was moving in with two of my previous roommates and good friends as well as starting out the year with a wonderful girl in tow right from the start. Good deal.
Not much happened for a few months to be honest. At the end of January we drove to Park City to see a free impromptu performance by 30 Seconds To Mars and I got my second taste of driving in a blizzard. The first being on the drive to Rexburg previously in the month. My days were so busy, they consisted of class, homework, spending time with Virginia, and just trying to get things figured out and straightened out with my classes so I could graduate in the spring. I got in a huge fight with one of my roommates who really didn’t care for me that much. That’s ok, because I didn’t really like the guy either, but I never bothered him. Apparently not being his friend was a problem, but whatever. I took classes that were more suited to my major and I did well in school, again with Virginia’s help and ever diligent eye for design. Got stuck in another blizzard on the way back from seeing Muse in Salt Lake in early April. That one freaked me out as the normal 4 hour drive took close to 7 to get back home in time to take a Spanish final a few hours later.
Between semesters I spent a week at home as well as two days of that week in a real recording studio to record the T3 S/T EP and that was a super fun experience. Tensions were high by the second day, but everyone had fun and it was interesting to say the least. The final semester started off frighteningly but mostly to a good start. A majority of my time was now all homework with me doing homework at Virginia’s apartment while she just hung out, now that she was out of school for the year. At some point in April or May her sister moved to Rexburg, so she spent a lot of time with her instead. I met a lot of new friends in my broadcasting classes and learned a great deal of things towards what I want to do with my life and had a fun time building up a portfolio. I nervously bought an engagement ring in late April and held onto it until the end of June. Her parents were visiting in early June and I swallowed my fear and approached them with the idea and with their consent I proposed on a Saturday on a picnic/hike outside of town. Life was pretty sweet.
The rest of the school year until July was very hectic and stressful with school kicking the crap out of me and being so tired all the time. Not to mention allergies beating me shitless. There was also the wonder that I was engaged, but the fear that I wouldn’t be spending time with her except for a few visits until the marriage next year. Not fun, but we soldiered on. July came with a visit to bear world, graduation, Disney Land, and a horrible goodbye in a hotel in Salt Lake.
Back at home in August I immediately started back at the bookstore until mid September. Then I spent a good month at home splitting time between being depressed, laying around, and job hunting. I made extensive plans for travel around to different cities for job opportunities and visiting family. I started out with a trip to Il. to visit my oldest sister and her family for about a week. It was the most relaxing and peaceful I had felt in months. From there I drove to middle of nowhere Missouri to visit my friend’s brother to start a business venture with his local access cable show. After another week I flew to Washington DC to spend a week with my middle sister Pam and relax a little bit, with some advice and job things mingled in. From there it was the reward trip of flying out to Salt Lake for a weekend with Virginia. It didn’t get off to a great start, but it was well worth the wait and wonderful to see her again face to face and not on skype. Sadly this was the last time I ever did so.
Flying back home was depressing as now I had no job, no leads, and now no money. I spent a good time searching and searching for a job but coming up with nothing. Eventually resorting to going back to the bookstore in the meantime so I could pay my bills. Over the course of a few months starting in September or so, Virginia began to fight a lot. Usually about little things that got blown out of proportion that eventually led to her dumping me at the end of November. I still don’t have a complete reason as to why, but my suspicions lie in a few things from the time we started fighting. There were no problems while I was out there or even leading up to then anyway. But that’s not important here.
A few weeks ago I started back up at the bookstore where I’ll be until mid January or so. So now I sit here, virtually no money, a not super effort job, and nothing left to shoot for. The question I ask myself here is with a year so full of promise how did it end up this way? And what do I do now? I literally have nothing left other than debt and bills. Not a happy ending to the year, but optimistically I suppose I can say that 2011 can’t possibly be any worse. It will just be interesting to see how it goes and where I’ll be this time next year.
Not much happened for a few months to be honest. At the end of January we drove to Park City to see a free impromptu performance by 30 Seconds To Mars and I got my second taste of driving in a blizzard. The first being on the drive to Rexburg previously in the month. My days were so busy, they consisted of class, homework, spending time with Virginia, and just trying to get things figured out and straightened out with my classes so I could graduate in the spring. I got in a huge fight with one of my roommates who really didn’t care for me that much. That’s ok, because I didn’t really like the guy either, but I never bothered him. Apparently not being his friend was a problem, but whatever. I took classes that were more suited to my major and I did well in school, again with Virginia’s help and ever diligent eye for design. Got stuck in another blizzard on the way back from seeing Muse in Salt Lake in early April. That one freaked me out as the normal 4 hour drive took close to 7 to get back home in time to take a Spanish final a few hours later.
Between semesters I spent a week at home as well as two days of that week in a real recording studio to record the T3 S/T EP and that was a super fun experience. Tensions were high by the second day, but everyone had fun and it was interesting to say the least. The final semester started off frighteningly but mostly to a good start. A majority of my time was now all homework with me doing homework at Virginia’s apartment while she just hung out, now that she was out of school for the year. At some point in April or May her sister moved to Rexburg, so she spent a lot of time with her instead. I met a lot of new friends in my broadcasting classes and learned a great deal of things towards what I want to do with my life and had a fun time building up a portfolio. I nervously bought an engagement ring in late April and held onto it until the end of June. Her parents were visiting in early June and I swallowed my fear and approached them with the idea and with their consent I proposed on a Saturday on a picnic/hike outside of town. Life was pretty sweet.
The rest of the school year until July was very hectic and stressful with school kicking the crap out of me and being so tired all the time. Not to mention allergies beating me shitless. There was also the wonder that I was engaged, but the fear that I wouldn’t be spending time with her except for a few visits until the marriage next year. Not fun, but we soldiered on. July came with a visit to bear world, graduation, Disney Land, and a horrible goodbye in a hotel in Salt Lake.
Back at home in August I immediately started back at the bookstore until mid September. Then I spent a good month at home splitting time between being depressed, laying around, and job hunting. I made extensive plans for travel around to different cities for job opportunities and visiting family. I started out with a trip to Il. to visit my oldest sister and her family for about a week. It was the most relaxing and peaceful I had felt in months. From there I drove to middle of nowhere Missouri to visit my friend’s brother to start a business venture with his local access cable show. After another week I flew to Washington DC to spend a week with my middle sister Pam and relax a little bit, with some advice and job things mingled in. From there it was the reward trip of flying out to Salt Lake for a weekend with Virginia. It didn’t get off to a great start, but it was well worth the wait and wonderful to see her again face to face and not on skype. Sadly this was the last time I ever did so.
Flying back home was depressing as now I had no job, no leads, and now no money. I spent a good time searching and searching for a job but coming up with nothing. Eventually resorting to going back to the bookstore in the meantime so I could pay my bills. Over the course of a few months starting in September or so, Virginia began to fight a lot. Usually about little things that got blown out of proportion that eventually led to her dumping me at the end of November. I still don’t have a complete reason as to why, but my suspicions lie in a few things from the time we started fighting. There were no problems while I was out there or even leading up to then anyway. But that’s not important here.
A few weeks ago I started back up at the bookstore where I’ll be until mid January or so. So now I sit here, virtually no money, a not super effort job, and nothing left to shoot for. The question I ask myself here is with a year so full of promise how did it end up this way? And what do I do now? I literally have nothing left other than debt and bills. Not a happy ending to the year, but optimistically I suppose I can say that 2011 can’t possibly be any worse. It will just be interesting to see how it goes and where I’ll be this time next year.
Thursday, December 9, 2010
Living Quaters Conundrum
Among many other things I’ve had to re-think about my near future in life, one of them is where I’m going to live. Yes yes currently at 26 I live with my mom and that’s very sad but there was a point to it. Living at home with all its downsides does have many upsides including no rent or paying for food for the most part. I decided to return home after school to be saving up money until I got a job, hopefully in some other state or at least a well enough paying one and then get an apartment in the next few months to await other changes. Well finding a job has been a bit harder than I thought so I was probably going to end up living here until just before that day anyway, but still no worries. Aside from the fact that pretty much all job hunting came to a screeching halt due to unforeseen recent events and the feeling of “why bother” set in, I’m still thinking about all this tho. My current plan, unless I get a job out of state somewhere, is to still none the less find an apartment somewhere in town when I can afford it next year. It just seems like the logical good idea.
I was talking about it with a friend of mine the other day and it got me seriously thinking about how I would achieve such a thing. Obviously unless I made quite enough or lived in a rat hole I would have to have roommates and luckily I have friends who are interested in rooming with me and it wouldn’t be too big of a deal right? Well, that is until I thought about it. Honestly, I’ve always been a generally private person. I probably always will be. When it comes to living with other people its been either family or usually 5 other guys most of the time I have no idea who they are. Random roommates. This would shape up to be a much better situation with living people I already know, the problem is my brain is now set to not want random roommates or good friends to live with. I kinda want to live alone. It among many other things was convinced in my mind that the next place I’d live; I’d be with someone very close and personal to me in a very caring kind of way. Now when I think about living with just friends it doesn’t appeal to me and makes me think I’d rather be alone. And I don’t want to live alone, let me stress that. Sure I love my privacy and I love to be left alone quite a bit. I get much more done that way, but really when I’m totally and completely alone in a house for more than a few days I tend to get a bit anxious and lonely. It even makes me feel better if I know someone is in the house at all. I’m not afraid of being alone or anything, in that sense, but I just don’t feel comfortable with it. However right now I prefer it over friends, even really close and good ones that I’ve been talking to. I dunno what it is and I’m hoping that I’ll feel differently in a few months when I actually start looking around because I doubt I can afford an apartment by myself. Its just one of those things I suppose a concern.
I wonder why that is? Is it a result from what recently happened to me or is this something I’ve always felt really? I mean in general I wouldn’t mind living by myself, but I know it would take some getting used to and I wouldn’t be completely happy. Decisions decisions.
I was talking about it with a friend of mine the other day and it got me seriously thinking about how I would achieve such a thing. Obviously unless I made quite enough or lived in a rat hole I would have to have roommates and luckily I have friends who are interested in rooming with me and it wouldn’t be too big of a deal right? Well, that is until I thought about it. Honestly, I’ve always been a generally private person. I probably always will be. When it comes to living with other people its been either family or usually 5 other guys most of the time I have no idea who they are. Random roommates. This would shape up to be a much better situation with living people I already know, the problem is my brain is now set to not want random roommates or good friends to live with. I kinda want to live alone. It among many other things was convinced in my mind that the next place I’d live; I’d be with someone very close and personal to me in a very caring kind of way. Now when I think about living with just friends it doesn’t appeal to me and makes me think I’d rather be alone. And I don’t want to live alone, let me stress that. Sure I love my privacy and I love to be left alone quite a bit. I get much more done that way, but really when I’m totally and completely alone in a house for more than a few days I tend to get a bit anxious and lonely. It even makes me feel better if I know someone is in the house at all. I’m not afraid of being alone or anything, in that sense, but I just don’t feel comfortable with it. However right now I prefer it over friends, even really close and good ones that I’ve been talking to. I dunno what it is and I’m hoping that I’ll feel differently in a few months when I actually start looking around because I doubt I can afford an apartment by myself. Its just one of those things I suppose a concern.
I wonder why that is? Is it a result from what recently happened to me or is this something I’ve always felt really? I mean in general I wouldn’t mind living by myself, but I know it would take some getting used to and I wouldn’t be completely happy. Decisions decisions.
Tuesday, December 7, 2010
in Old long syne
Winter is here as well as winter in Arkansas can be. The leaves are dying and falling off the trees and the air turns from crisp to sharp and hard. The daylight erodes away sooner leaving the world in a thick silence in a way that only this time of year can be. This is the time of year that I enjoy taking walks at night around my neighborhood sometime after eight or nine when there is nobody out. It is very peaceful and allows for plenty of time to think. Often on these walks this time of year I reflect on the previous year, as I always do towards the end of December, to evaluate where I am, where I’ve been, and where I plan to go from here. This year is the strangest place I’ve ever been in. This will make for the first year in my entire life that when the new one comes around I have no idea what to do next. I have a mild plan sure, but I have no where to be, nothing in particular to do and nowhere to go. I’m just here. Usually this time around its time to get ready to go back to school or some other thing that has gone on that carries over from one year to the next. 2007 to 2008 is close, but there I knew at least a goal that I was headed to. Currently there is none.
No having to say it the plan I had is no longer an option and now I’m left to wonder what to do with myself now. The only immediate thing I can and need to do is earn enough money to pay my bills and start paying my student loans sometime in the next few months. Aside from that I’ve got nothing really. I can get a new job in my field or I can just work at Target. I can move somewhere far away or I can stay put here in Conway either in my mom’s place or a new apartment. The only tentative plan that I have come up with is work my current job until it runs its seasonal course and in the meantime keep applying for jobs wherever. Then as time gets closer get another job around town and just save money. I’m still going to move out at some point because that would just be too pathetic to be living with my mom at 27, even tho it’s a little awkward at 26 but that’s no the point.
All personal things aside what is it about the new year that gives us such hope and such a fresh start? Other than the calendar changing, what really changes and makes it something new for us? Honestly nothing. It’s a self implied feeling caused by time and our social idea of it. If we didn’t have clocks or calendars then everyday would be just the same as the last. Days would begin and end without much notice other than thinking I’ll finish this tomorrow or I did such and such yesterday. I’m not advocating a removal from the system of time or anything I’m just noticing things. Maybe its that promise of something new is why we always do it. Why we make a New Year’s Resolution. Why we make a goal at the beginning of a new year to do something different in the next. To make ourselves better, or accomplish something, but always try again. Its kind of a lesson in hope and faith I suppose or on the other hand one of procrastination to say I’ll fix that next year.
No having to say it the plan I had is no longer an option and now I’m left to wonder what to do with myself now. The only immediate thing I can and need to do is earn enough money to pay my bills and start paying my student loans sometime in the next few months. Aside from that I’ve got nothing really. I can get a new job in my field or I can just work at Target. I can move somewhere far away or I can stay put here in Conway either in my mom’s place or a new apartment. The only tentative plan that I have come up with is work my current job until it runs its seasonal course and in the meantime keep applying for jobs wherever. Then as time gets closer get another job around town and just save money. I’m still going to move out at some point because that would just be too pathetic to be living with my mom at 27, even tho it’s a little awkward at 26 but that’s no the point.
All personal things aside what is it about the new year that gives us such hope and such a fresh start? Other than the calendar changing, what really changes and makes it something new for us? Honestly nothing. It’s a self implied feeling caused by time and our social idea of it. If we didn’t have clocks or calendars then everyday would be just the same as the last. Days would begin and end without much notice other than thinking I’ll finish this tomorrow or I did such and such yesterday. I’m not advocating a removal from the system of time or anything I’m just noticing things. Maybe its that promise of something new is why we always do it. Why we make a New Year’s Resolution. Why we make a goal at the beginning of a new year to do something different in the next. To make ourselves better, or accomplish something, but always try again. Its kind of a lesson in hope and faith I suppose or on the other hand one of procrastination to say I’ll fix that next year.
Midnight Thought
Who's to say when things begin and end, for all we know we're right in the middle of something far greater than we could realize. All of us individually are part of something bigger, yet individually we're all connected into smaller things that are just as important to each and every one of us. Its fascinating.
I thought I had life figured out then I figured wrong. Now I wonder at which point of it I belong? We'll find out soon enough I suppose.
I thought I had life figured out then I figured wrong. Now I wonder at which point of it I belong? We'll find out soon enough I suppose.
Friday, December 3, 2010
A Question To Us All
There have been many questions on my mind in the past few months revolving around life, how to get through it, as well as many other personal things of which a lot of people now know about. The latter has caused me to reflect a question I heard a lot during this time and one I too began to ask myself: “what is love?” A lot of people have answers for this and a lot of people have experiences in this. There are so many definitions and so many ways to talk about it, experience it, as well as feel it, but what is it? It’s a strong emotional attachment to someone or something that affects just about every aspect of your life. That alone sounds like mind control or some disease, but I guess its kind of true. Love is a disease, but I don’t mean that in a negative way, but more like a biological one. When you are “infected” by a disease it multiplies and spreads throughout your body and depending on what its particular course is it takes effect on that part of the body whether it is your sinuses with a cold or perhaps your stomach when you have the flu. Love affects every part of your body however and once you latch onto it, its all round about inside you.
There are many kinds of love: paternal love, platonic love, love of something in particular like an activity of some sort, and of course romantic love. The question begs to differ of what is the definition of real love? Can one be made? I have no idea as everyone seems to have a different opinion. Lately it’s what has been on my mind and reflection on the past and the present as well as the future to determine that for myself. So here’s what it means to me.
In my life I’m pretty sure I’ve only been in love once. Once upon a time I thought I was in love, but in the end it was a really strong feeling, but only later on did I realize that it was not love. That being said I have been in love, you could say I still am, but that’s a whole other topic that I don’t need to rehash or harass anyone with right now until I set myself straight on it anyway, but I have felt it before. Before I did, I felt what I thought was love, it was the strongest I had ever felt such a feeling for another human being other than in a completely platonic or family sort of love. It was a genuine feeling of wanting to be with another person, one in particular, and spend time with them. We’ve all felt that and we have many words for it, but we all get that way from time to time when we draw close to someone special. The thing is, while there was strong feelings and the desire to do everything possible and be a part of every aspect, the drive and execution was not there. It could have been, but it wasn’t and that’s ok. We all have to start somewhere and build into things at our own pace. It wasn’t until my most recent relationship that I learned, in my opinion, what true love really is.
Love is an infinite amount of patience no matter what. Love is respect and consideration for someone else’s feelings. Love is willing to do virtually anything for them at any given moment no matter what your current physical or mental state is. Love is the feeling of just sitting together for hours not moving or speaking and still having a wonderful time. Love is seeing that person and getting a warm feeling in your heart to know that they are something special. Love is sacrifice of letting go of things that don’t help you move along and be closer to that person and Love is getting acquainted to what they like and want to do and attempt to not become a copy of them, but attempt to make it your own because it is important to them. Love is understanding why it is important to them and willingly wanting to be a part of it. Love is taking time out of your day to plan out things to surprise someone at any given time with something that reminds them of how special they are to you. Love is waking up and saying hello and good morning. Love is saying goodnight and I love you before going to sleep. Love is having that person on your mind when you wake up and the last thing on your mind when you fall asleep. Love is being genuinely worried about their problems over your own. Love is a series of tight hugs that last just a few seconds longer than you thought, but appreciate it for the extra moments. Love is never letting your eyes wander to someone else even for a minute. Love is singular to that special someone. Love is wanting to be a better person. Love is wanting to share as well as listen to everything they have to say. Love is no expectations, only understandings. Love is being sneaky and finding out what they want and getting it for them without notice. Love is smiles. Love is never wanting to be apart. Love is wanting to share and experience life together. Love is not changing your life for theirs, but reshaping your own to include them and their dreams. Love is always sharing your dreams. Love is apologizing when you are wrong. Love is strength beyond your own. Love is hope. Love is faith. Love is determination to provide. Love is holding it in your heart even if it finds itself lost. Love is all of these things together, not just a few but all of them and probably a lot more.
Love is everything.
Perhaps we have all felt love at some point or another and lost it. That’s also another part of love. I believe that once we feel love, not just partial love, but full and true love, it never dies within us. No matter how a relationship ends, or perhaps a loved one passes away, or love is lost in a bitter and loveless fight. Love is still there. You cannot get rid of it no matter what. It might not be as strong anymore or you might not act on it quite as well. The name of that person might grind your gears and cause other emotions, but there is a part of you somewhere that still feels that love burn. Love is an eternal flame and it never dies.
This is the lesson that I’ve learned about what love is. This is what I have felt and maybe it’s different for you, but for the first time in my life I can say without hesitation that I have felt love and it feels good, wonderful even. Anyone who hasn’t experienced love, well, just hang in there. I believe that we will all feel love, true love, in this life at least once. Maybe it will work out for us and maybe it won’t. After having felt love and knowing it I guess the old saying is true “Tis better to have loved and lost then to never have loved at all.” Which brings me to one of mine: Love is hope. For me, love is still there and I still believe that love never dies. It will always be there until the end of time. Maybe I’ll just sit and wait for a little bit to think on it all. Maybe I’ll just let it dim down over time and never put any more logs on that fire for as long as I live, life is not definite and you can’t tell the future. But one this is for certain, that love will always be there for as long as I live and while its there, there is always hope.
There are many kinds of love: paternal love, platonic love, love of something in particular like an activity of some sort, and of course romantic love. The question begs to differ of what is the definition of real love? Can one be made? I have no idea as everyone seems to have a different opinion. Lately it’s what has been on my mind and reflection on the past and the present as well as the future to determine that for myself. So here’s what it means to me.
In my life I’m pretty sure I’ve only been in love once. Once upon a time I thought I was in love, but in the end it was a really strong feeling, but only later on did I realize that it was not love. That being said I have been in love, you could say I still am, but that’s a whole other topic that I don’t need to rehash or harass anyone with right now until I set myself straight on it anyway, but I have felt it before. Before I did, I felt what I thought was love, it was the strongest I had ever felt such a feeling for another human being other than in a completely platonic or family sort of love. It was a genuine feeling of wanting to be with another person, one in particular, and spend time with them. We’ve all felt that and we have many words for it, but we all get that way from time to time when we draw close to someone special. The thing is, while there was strong feelings and the desire to do everything possible and be a part of every aspect, the drive and execution was not there. It could have been, but it wasn’t and that’s ok. We all have to start somewhere and build into things at our own pace. It wasn’t until my most recent relationship that I learned, in my opinion, what true love really is.
Love is an infinite amount of patience no matter what. Love is respect and consideration for someone else’s feelings. Love is willing to do virtually anything for them at any given moment no matter what your current physical or mental state is. Love is the feeling of just sitting together for hours not moving or speaking and still having a wonderful time. Love is seeing that person and getting a warm feeling in your heart to know that they are something special. Love is sacrifice of letting go of things that don’t help you move along and be closer to that person and Love is getting acquainted to what they like and want to do and attempt to not become a copy of them, but attempt to make it your own because it is important to them. Love is understanding why it is important to them and willingly wanting to be a part of it. Love is taking time out of your day to plan out things to surprise someone at any given time with something that reminds them of how special they are to you. Love is waking up and saying hello and good morning. Love is saying goodnight and I love you before going to sleep. Love is having that person on your mind when you wake up and the last thing on your mind when you fall asleep. Love is being genuinely worried about their problems over your own. Love is a series of tight hugs that last just a few seconds longer than you thought, but appreciate it for the extra moments. Love is never letting your eyes wander to someone else even for a minute. Love is singular to that special someone. Love is wanting to be a better person. Love is wanting to share as well as listen to everything they have to say. Love is no expectations, only understandings. Love is being sneaky and finding out what they want and getting it for them without notice. Love is smiles. Love is never wanting to be apart. Love is wanting to share and experience life together. Love is not changing your life for theirs, but reshaping your own to include them and their dreams. Love is always sharing your dreams. Love is apologizing when you are wrong. Love is strength beyond your own. Love is hope. Love is faith. Love is determination to provide. Love is holding it in your heart even if it finds itself lost. Love is all of these things together, not just a few but all of them and probably a lot more.
Love is everything.
Perhaps we have all felt love at some point or another and lost it. That’s also another part of love. I believe that once we feel love, not just partial love, but full and true love, it never dies within us. No matter how a relationship ends, or perhaps a loved one passes away, or love is lost in a bitter and loveless fight. Love is still there. You cannot get rid of it no matter what. It might not be as strong anymore or you might not act on it quite as well. The name of that person might grind your gears and cause other emotions, but there is a part of you somewhere that still feels that love burn. Love is an eternal flame and it never dies.
This is the lesson that I’ve learned about what love is. This is what I have felt and maybe it’s different for you, but for the first time in my life I can say without hesitation that I have felt love and it feels good, wonderful even. Anyone who hasn’t experienced love, well, just hang in there. I believe that we will all feel love, true love, in this life at least once. Maybe it will work out for us and maybe it won’t. After having felt love and knowing it I guess the old saying is true “Tis better to have loved and lost then to never have loved at all.” Which brings me to one of mine: Love is hope. For me, love is still there and I still believe that love never dies. It will always be there until the end of time. Maybe I’ll just sit and wait for a little bit to think on it all. Maybe I’ll just let it dim down over time and never put any more logs on that fire for as long as I live, life is not definite and you can’t tell the future. But one this is for certain, that love will always be there for as long as I live and while its there, there is always hope.
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