Among many other things I’ve had to re-think about my near future in life, one of them is where I’m going to live. Yes yes currently at 26 I live with my mom and that’s very sad but there was a point to it. Living at home with all its downsides does have many upsides including no rent or paying for food for the most part. I decided to return home after school to be saving up money until I got a job, hopefully in some other state or at least a well enough paying one and then get an apartment in the next few months to await other changes. Well finding a job has been a bit harder than I thought so I was probably going to end up living here until just before that day anyway, but still no worries. Aside from the fact that pretty much all job hunting came to a screeching halt due to unforeseen recent events and the feeling of “why bother” set in, I’m still thinking about all this tho. My current plan, unless I get a job out of state somewhere, is to still none the less find an apartment somewhere in town when I can afford it next year. It just seems like the logical good idea.
I was talking about it with a friend of mine the other day and it got me seriously thinking about how I would achieve such a thing. Obviously unless I made quite enough or lived in a rat hole I would have to have roommates and luckily I have friends who are interested in rooming with me and it wouldn’t be too big of a deal right? Well, that is until I thought about it. Honestly, I’ve always been a generally private person. I probably always will be. When it comes to living with other people its been either family or usually 5 other guys most of the time I have no idea who they are. Random roommates. This would shape up to be a much better situation with living people I already know, the problem is my brain is now set to not want random roommates or good friends to live with. I kinda want to live alone. It among many other things was convinced in my mind that the next place I’d live; I’d be with someone very close and personal to me in a very caring kind of way. Now when I think about living with just friends it doesn’t appeal to me and makes me think I’d rather be alone. And I don’t want to live alone, let me stress that. Sure I love my privacy and I love to be left alone quite a bit. I get much more done that way, but really when I’m totally and completely alone in a house for more than a few days I tend to get a bit anxious and lonely. It even makes me feel better if I know someone is in the house at all. I’m not afraid of being alone or anything, in that sense, but I just don’t feel comfortable with it. However right now I prefer it over friends, even really close and good ones that I’ve been talking to. I dunno what it is and I’m hoping that I’ll feel differently in a few months when I actually start looking around because I doubt I can afford an apartment by myself. Its just one of those things I suppose a concern.
I wonder why that is? Is it a result from what recently happened to me or is this something I’ve always felt really? I mean in general I wouldn’t mind living by myself, but I know it would take some getting used to and I wouldn’t be completely happy. Decisions decisions.
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