I just felt like writing suddenly and I don't know why. I don't have anything important or worthwhile to say.
Valentine's Day is over for another year and it wasn't that bad. Sure there wasn't any great defining moment, nor anything special about it, its just another day. Yes yes, Feb 14th is just another day. The problem is that its such a commercial holiday that no matter who you are or where you are there is a definite feeling of expectation. If you are in a relationship with somebody there is the expectation you have to live up to in order to make sure its that "perfect romantic day". If you are not then you just feel lonely and sad.
I'm not one of those people who can't function without somebody else, although I guess you wouldn't think that if you have been reading this blog right? :P, but where my feelings of oh hey I don't have somebody today thats ok its just another day fails, is that in the past I have had people around and memories are my worst enemy. Days like today for me are bombarded from memories of past days. For me its not just this day, I tend to do it with everything. I'm a detail person when it comes to relationships as well as major projects. I document nearly everything from favorite memories, to what I was thinking at the time, to whatever happened on whatever day. Its fun for me to think back and look at a calender and say I did this on said day at this time. Especially if I look back at it a year or so later. Thats what have made any type of anniversary feel sort of successful for me when I can bring up these memories as if they just happened with somebody else. Quite fun.
The problem with that, is that when they go from happy memories to memories of times I wish were still around, they tend to get me down a bit. Valentine's day always being associated with romance and love as it is, makes the worst memories memorable, but really isn't that how any bad memories come to fruition in life? I suppose so.
Anyway, today has been a mix of emotions. Something of floating around in a sleepy daze from being so tired today, to being bored with what I was listening to, to taking a lengthy nap when I started to think too much, to being a little weepy when I received some mail from a friend, then reading a card from my sister. I may not have any one special person in my life right now, but its always nice to remember that I have many special people in my life, that while it isn't quite the same its still ok.
I've got lots of other thoughts and feelings that I don't really know what to do with at the moment that involve a menagerie of things and people, but I guess most of these situations I can't do anything about them so I might as well not get too involved. That's the best policy right?
No comments:
Post a Comment