You Wake Up In The Morning, Think Its A Brand New Day

This won't meant as much to me as it would have if I would have posted it this morning but oh well. I woke up this morning in the usual funk that I do after playing a show. Namely that of being funky, sore, and in that odd mix of dreaming/being awake the whole night. Its weird and I get rested, but it always fees like I'm not. I haven't played a show in awhile so its always a weird feeling to come back to.

The one thing that is normal however, is dreams. Always after a show I dream about it, or performing in general. Last night was an exception sadly. :/ Is there really no rest from the dreams I've been having for nearly three months now? I think last night was the worst of all. It mixed a few happy memories into what happened and was just the worst. I think in life that is the one saving grace of nightmares, they give you a good startle or scare sure, but when you wake up its not real and you can go on with your day. Occasionally there is something that just makes you feel off for a few hours but you tend to shrug it off after awhile. These however, absolutely not. There is no shrugging them off, it just painfully reminds me that being asleep and waking up are the same thing and I'm seriously tired of it.

Last night was a lot of fun and I think it was the first time that I had truly been enjoying myself completely and not thinking even for a moment about any of all this. That is until it was over. After all the high fives and small chat with everybody was done it reminded me of what I normally would do after a show and it was just odd to not have anybody waiting in the wings on a text from me to say how things went. Not to mention the feeling of ok I'll just head on home now I guess.

A small side note of things makes me really wonder how far I've come in close to three months time. I understand that its a lengthy process and its very difficult. I believe in progress and yes I have made some, but not nearly as much as I wish I would have. I also made the thought last night that while yeah people tend to not talk to me about things nor bring them up. I imagine it makes them uncomfortable and thats ok, it would to me to. I never felt angry or anything, maybe a little annoyed, that nobody tends to honestly ask me how I'm doing or anything tho. Yeah, I'm a pretty private person and I don't like to share things that I'm having problems with, this especially, but its nice to feel like your friends are at least a little concerned about you anyway. But the thing is, last night one of my friends whom I really hadn't seen very much in the past few months mentioned just off handed a couple of things to me, not as a big deal or anything, but I almost broke into tears then and there. So I guess that is something to be thankful for at the moment. I guess its a good thing people don't talk to me much about it, because I still can't handle it, not yet anyway. In time maybe.