The Inspiration That Looms

Its only after a pretty sleepless night that I think of things like this apparently.

It's been a songwriting miracle as of late and I've been on fire. Ever since I got that new guitar, or possibly right before it, I started writing music like crazy both lyrically and musically. I've noticed that there are two kinds of writing that I do in life: the extremely goofy and funny and the mildly depressing take a look at my life kind of deal. I don't know at what point it happened but I was inspired enough in October or late November that I hopped back on that goofy train and haven't gotten off yet, despite all the difficult things I was/pretty much still am going through. Maybe its my defense mechanism, in fact I'm pretty sure it is, but I've gotten a lot of good songs out of it, some of which we've used, others we're going to, and the like. Then because of everything that happened it inspired a whole slew of other songs, ones just for me really. Those are the a little sad, a little inspiring, semi hopeful, semi regretful songs that have mostly littered my little side project.
That's where the filter comes in and a lot of those will never see the light of day to anybody but me, because like in any situation when you are extremely controlled by your emotions a lot of what you write is just crap. Maybe its because I'm still slightly in the moment but I don't feel that much of it is, and maybe its not or maybe I'm just still in the moment like I said.
But the more time goes on, the more as anyone would, healing happens and some things aren't as impactful and important as others anymore. It still dominates my thoughts when I think about it, but its mostly manageable for the most part. There are still days, like last night or a few days before that, that I still feel crippled by my dreams and memories, but it doesn't seem to inspire me anymore. That makes me wonder if I've finally got about all of it out. I've noticed a trend these newer songs that its starting to shift from the "why me" to "what next" and finally some other topics all together and I think that's good. I think that's where my brain is headed in general in life and that's good too. I've also noticed that I let it slip into a few T3 songs that to me aren't so oblivious, yet are extremely obvious but I'm hoping they aren't to everyone else. Then again we might not use some of those songs. Those aren't sad, but they deal with a few of these issues. Music is funny like that.
I just know that two songs in particular that I've been writing on with PBnJ have come to a dead stand still in the last few weeks and I don't know why. One can go either way depending on what gets written next. It can be a song about finding hope and new love in general or it can be about regret and giving up. Maybe I'll make two different versions I don't know. The other, a song I'm very proud of and mostly all I've played it for really seem to like on a legitimate level is also trapped in the final verse. That one is more of a progressive story and maybe the reason I can't finish it is because I haven't decided how this story is going to end yet. Yeah me. I didn't start this story, but at this point its up to me to finish it and its a day to day struggle to figure out what I want anymore. On one hand my brain says just let it go and continue on. On the other my memories and heart says hold on just a bit longer. Maybe that's how the song should end instead of waiting to be based on the real story, because that seems like its going to be too far away from here.

None the less after the last few days I sit and wonder still as I look at what I've been up-to, I wonder what you've been up-to and wonder if I still cross your mind at least once in awhile.