Cycles

I am having the hardest time writing these days and I don't know why. Maybe I'm just not as fired up about things as I used to be. In life in general I'm sure not. I'm just being lazy for the most part.

My daily route-en has pretty much settled into place and that's just crappy. While there are couple of changes recently I'm still just mucking about and thats well eh.

Yesterday was an odd day for me. I went with Bill to Jacksonville to film a wedding for a friend of mine. The ceremony was nice and it was a pleasant evening and honestly wasn't as awkward as I thought it was going to be. Did I mention the friend was an ex-girlfriend? Yeah thats a little odd. It didn't really bother me tho and thats ok. I really didn't think it would be in the sense of who it was or the people who would be there anyway. I did get a lot of odd stares from people tho. However, I think that was because a majority of the people in attendance were dressed in leather bike gear and I was wearing a very nice black suit, but who knows.

The real thing I thought would bother me and maybe it did but just a little, was the whole wedding in general. I found it quite ironic yesterday as I put that suit on that it was the first time I had worn it at all since I bought it and I was wearing it to an ex-girlfriends wedding. One that was only 3 weeks away from when mine was supposed to be. I think part of whats odd is that it didn't register to me much during the wedding itself. The only conclusion that I came up with is that while I've been pretty devastated these last few months in the cycle of maybe she'll come back to can I figure a way to work something out to she's not coming back and back again and all that, I stopped thinking about the wedding at all. That day that I called to cancel the date we had set I haven't really thought much about it. I started focusing instead on the person itself instead of the event. Sure getting married was going to be the best thing ever because it was with the person I cared about the most in the world, but after all that it was just her and only her that I thought about. Most likely full knowing that marriage was completely off the table from here on out unless things somehow worked out in the future but even then it would be far off from there as well if it ever came up again. But I digress.

So thats an evening that went alright and I'm glad didn't completely floor me like I thought it would, now I just need to hope that the day a few weeks from now will be the same.