What are coincidences anyway?

It's no wonder I get as fed up with life as I do when every time I attempt to fix things, or even made that solid decision to fix things something else crumbles around me.

I had just made a resolution last night/this morning too and its just irony that right after I find out that yes indeed something else got taken away. To anyone else this won't mean anything I'm sure, but considering my circumstances its a pretty big deal to me. I've been very picky about friendships that I've held onto in the past few years and even now I've questioned some and wondered about others during these difficult times the last 6 months or so. Friends that have been not quite as friendly and others that have shown more support than I thought.

Above all else tho I honestly had been getting the most support from my mom, my friend Julie, and then out of nowhere my buds Amanda and Ryan. While mom is mom and Julie is a very good listening long distance friend, Amanda and Ryan were right here and have been right here every step of the way. They reminded me of what friendships were like when we were kids. Non judgmental, overly friendly, always wanting to hear your opinions and respecting your thoughts, you know making you feel like you're important to them because you are. I haven't had such an overwhelmingly good feeling from people in a long while. Don't get me wrong, I've got a lot of very good and close friends, but this was something different. I really felt at peace when we'd hang out, then suddenly I got a phone call as to why I haven't been able to get a hold of them over the weekend: they're gone.

I can't blame them, its a family situation and they're doing whats right in their hearts in a difficult situation but now they're gone. Selfishly it brought some tears to be honest to feel something that close torn away again right when everything was starting to feel right. Who else has been making me feel good about myself while also being optimistic about my own thoughts. Man, life just seems too tough sometimes and it really feels like somebody is just out to get me with how many times I start to crawl back up then just get slapped right back down again.